Pre-Martial

coupleThe #1 Thing You Don’t Want To Do When You Get Married

The number one thing you don’t want to do when you get married is change.  The biggest mistake that a newly married person can make is to stop doing what you were doing prior to getting married. Whatever it is you were doing prior to getting married must be what you continue to do.  I think about a brand new car. Prior to getting that car you dream about how you would look in it, how many compliments your going to receive from it and how it’s going to feel to know you own it. Once you get the car some unexpected expenses may damper your mood for the car or perhaps the compliments you thought you were going to receive never came to be and you begin to realize the hype you created in your head didn’t match up the reality of your situation. What now? You have to live with it, that’s what. You wouldn’t (if you were a reasonable person) return the car to the dealership and say, “this car didn’t meet my expectation so I’m giving it back.” You would simple suck it up and do the best that you could  with the decision that you’ve made. When you are in a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship is the time that you have to establish your negotiables and non-negotionables. That means you have to establish what you will deal with and what you won’t deal with. Then you would take that list and stick with it with very little wiggle room. This way if the relationship moves from girlfriend/boyfriend into fiancé you can be sure that you have done your part to establish a strong foundation that will not only get you through the engagement stage but will carry you into the marriage relationship. When you establish a strong foundation that is rooted in the “real you” or the “true you” there will be very little chances that your new spouse feels fooled because who they thought they were marrying they were not marrying. The person that married you, married you for who they believed you were. If you were never that person to begin with then you have a recipe for disaster and distaste in the relationship and what do we do when we eat something that is distasteful? We spit it out, throw it in the trash and we look for something that will take the awful taste away. If you’re  in a dating relationship and your dressing up and keeping it tight and right, then you should continue to keep it tight and right. If you are in a relationship and you are a health nut and that’s what drew your mate to you then you should continue to be the health nut that they know and love. The only way to keep a lasting relationship operating at it’s peak level is to establish your negotiables and non negotiables, be real in the infancy stage of the relationship and stay who you are as the relationship matures.

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